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If there are circumstances under which you have asked, or your adult children have inquired, if you would like to move in with them, you may want to consider the psychology, financial reality, and likely scenarios before taking this step. For example, are your minor grandchildren still living with your children, how large is the home, and do you get along with your child and in-law? There are a host of other factors to consider also when pondering whether such an arrangement is realistic or workable.
1. Will you need home assistance? If you do need an aide, then your children probably realize this but must be assured the aide is reputable. If you do not need one now, there may come a time when you may need one so there must be a financial source to pay the worker. If your child or spouse is a stay-at-home parent or works at home, will that person be the caretaker? If so, how much assistance will you need and is this person able to do what is required? This can be a less costly alternative than moving into an assisted living apartment facility.
2. Will your child’s house need renovations to accommodate you? This may entail installing guardrails in the bathroom or other areas of the house, an escalator for the stairs, installing ramps or removing or widening doors and entrances.
3. What are the financial and tax consequences? As a parent you may own or have an interest in your child’s home or may wish to gift your interest to your child. A contract should be drawn up regarding payment to your children for certain expenses, contact your estate planning lawyer to assist you with preparing one. An attorney should be consulted to advise you how the property interests can be protected or transferred – such as in a trust so that your receipt of Medicaid or other public benefits are not jeopardized. Also, if your child provides for more than half of your support, then he or she may be able to claim you as a dependent and get a tax deduction.
4. Be prepared for the emotional challenges. If you have any unresolved or ongoing issues with your children or their spouses, these may well be intensified if you live together. You may not want to feel indebted or dependent on your child or feel that you must do or agree with whatever your child says or does regarding your welfare. You also should want to live there and your child and family should be welcoming as well.
5. If there are small children at home, prepare them for your arrival. You will need to be prepared for dealing with noisy and energetic children. If you are still able, you can take them on outings and provide some relief for your adult children or babysit for them.
6. Look into other services and organizations. You do not have to be entirely dependent on your children for all your needs. There are meals programs, shuttle services to recreational events, churches, and synagogues as well as programs for seniors and home health workers who can come to the house.
7. Have an alternative plan. Although this arrangement may work in theory, it may well fail once reality sets in and you are not getting along or the arrangement is causing more difficulties. All parties should at least try to make adjustments or compromises before deciding that some other arrangement has to be found, since openly communicating concerns can often lead to acceptable solutions. Before you move in, discuss with your children the possibility that this may not work and if there is a feasible alternative for you.
Consult Elder Law and Estate Planning Attorney Patricia Bloom-McDonald
Before you move in with your adult children, consider having an estate plan drawn up by elder law attorney Patricia Bloom-McDonald . Your plan can include the establishment of a trust, Last Will and Testament, Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Directive, living will documents, as well as get other advice regarding the administration of your estate. She will advise you on how to protect your assets for possible receipt of Medicaid and other public benefits. If you need advice on what to expect when moving in with your adult children, she can offer suggestions for you and them to make the transition easier and perhaps more affordable.